Next Services 100 Miles

'The Road Less Traveled'

Have you ever been driving a very long distance and for some reason you decide to stray from the beaten path, and take the back roads instead of the interstate freeways?

I have driven dozens of times up and down I-10, I-5, back and forth from Phoenix to Los Angeles, and up to the San Francisco Bay Area. And those interstates are boring!

So the other day when I was driving south on I-5, as I was nearing Bakersfield, I veered off onto the back roads, heading into parts unknown. Instead of taking the usual route, I decided to take the road less traveled!

What would I find? What would I see? What adventures lie ahead?

I was driving alone, with exception of my two little dogs. We headed into the high desert of the Mojave, avoiding the LA basin, its traffic jams, pollution and busy freeways.

Driving on two lane highways, we went through many little towns. As we passed through Victorville, I got to see a part of the historic Route 66!

The desert began to change as we drove on, giant Joshua Trees popped up as we entered the Yucca Valley area. They are so beautiful!

It was getting late, so I decided to stay the night in Yucca Valley. We were in the high desert, but the evening was cool and the air was fresh. Same for the morning, but as the sun came up, the temperature quickly rose.

Passing on to Twenty Nine Palms, seeing the Marine Corps base off to the left, and heading westward, there was a sign, "Next services, 100 miles".

Hmmmm. I was driving alone. On a very little traveled back highway across the desert, and it was quickly getting into the triple digits in temperature. Should I drive down to I-10, where it was perhaps safer? Faster? But so familiar and boring?

Nahhhh!

Nothing like the adventure of seeing new things. I had never gone this way before. So, I headed westward. Into the unknown!

Passing through Parker, again I could have taken a road down to I-10. But I stayed on the back roads.

Yes it was risky, perhaps dangerous. But I am so glad I did it. And I got to see things and places I have never seen before!

Have you ever done this? Weren't you glad you did?

What Is A Good Death?

Death is not the enemy!

But in modern American culture, the topic of death is something most people are not at all comfortable with. For most, it is a topic to be avoided. Or preparing for death. Especially our own.

Over the years working as a chaplain, living life, and of course experiencing my own family losses, I have seen death many times. Some of it, very painful. And for others, a good and peaceful death.

A couple of people I know have had the blessing of dying in their sleep, peacefully in their own bed. No long drawn out illness, no suffering. Could we all be so lucky? The sad fact is, many do not die this way.

So, how can we have a good death? A peaceful death, when it is our time?

I am not being morbid. This is something very important!

First of all, if you have not already done so, do get your will, and living will drawn up. Advanced Directives as they are also known.

Please do this! Get your wishes in writing. As soon as possible.

What are your wishes if you become incapacitated and stuck on a respirator or food tube? Save your loved ones from heartache and making decisions for you under extreme duress.

My mother and I used to have long talks about life, she used to say "if I ever have to live on a machine, turn it off".

Well, one day, that horrid thought became a reality. A nightmare turned real.
Unfortunately for my mother, she never did get her wishes in writing. And I did not have power of attorney. She was kept alive on a food tube, stuck in bed, brain damaged, in a care facility....for four years. It was heartbreaking. She was alive, but not living.

About four years into her illness, I prayed, 'God, if you are not going to heal her, take her'. She died 6 weeks later. When she finally passed...it was a release. She was free.

We in the modern world have all this technology now of advanced medicine. We can keep people alive, even bring them back from flat lining (death).

But we as humans do not have the spiritual wisdom needed for such decisions.

So many stories now of loved ones who go into a hospital, something goes wrong...now the loved one is stuck being kept alive on a respirator...if we turn off the machine are we committing murder? Do we let our loved one stay in this semi alive state, with no quality of life?

Ethical dilemmas about end of life issues are now abound. So how can we try and have a good death?

It is said that we die the way we live. A good death may require advanced planning. A good death has completed relationships including those that need reconciliation. Ira Byock is the author of one of the seminal volumes in the death and dying literature, Dying Well. He speaks of the four things that need to be said as life comes to an end: I love you, thank you, I forgive you, and forgive me.

A good death will often come after a carefully considered decision not to pursue life-sustaining treatment.

My grandfather had lymphoma. After a couple of very painful episodes of chemo, he chose to not have any more. He died peacefully a few days later.

Many families have experienced this. After trying and emotional times of hospitalization, treatments, etc., finally going to hospice...and letting the inevitable happen, peacefully.

May we all be blessed...with a peaceful, and good death.